We spend most of our time in different cities now that he's moved out but he drops in whenever he feels like it, without telling us that he's coming. I hate looking him in the eyes and I don't know why. Started Thursday at 07:54 PM, By The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. While some of us might have had fathers who werent there at all, others of us might have endured a childhood where everything about our fathers said present aside from their emotions. It means being part of your family while being able to control your own functioning at the same time. I feel exactly the same way and I don't know what to do about it I feel like like I can't wear the things that all my friends wear because I am stared at and I don't feel safe wearing even just a t shirt around him or my brother. Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. He rages a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused. I've lost everyone. So, your annoying aunt asks why you arent married yet, or your parents scream at you to help them with something before you've even had a chance to close the door. Learn everything you can about CEN, and begin to address yours. You can learn the emotional skills you missed, and give yourself what you never got. If he ever says he doesn't want to hug someone, including me, we respect his boundaries about his body. what do I do? I don't feel. When men are emotionally uncomfortable, they seem to gravitate toward two particular coping mechanisms to avoid the feelings involved: humor and activity. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. I'm so glad that there are people like you who raise their kids with respect and integrity . Harry Styles & Elton John are among those who reportedly declined. Nina F. "When people get upset with me, I automatically assume it's my fault.". So I need some advice. But it's unclear why the guy "Friends" weren't there. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Get a job, move out from home, start building your own freedom. Even if your father means well, is/was not abusive, and is probably not to blame for emotionally neglecting you, the effects of the neglect on you are still powerful and important, and it is vital that you take them seriously. When parents act in unpredictable ways or abuse their children, their children grow up to have difficulty understanding their emotions and the feelings of others. For the official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org. It has taught me that I need to do everything for myself and if anyone is trying to help that it will come at a price. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". Childhood conflicts with your father can cause you to develop feelings of hate that may accompany you well into adulthood. Uncomfortable with husband's family. I've been seeing a therapist for the last couple of months (had a really bad time with psychiatrists after being wrongly diagnosed with depression and I was even hospitalised, but I finally found someone who understood my needs) but I haven't been able to open up about this. i have the same thing happening. Being related doesnt mean youll get along in every situation, share the same political views, or even enjoy each other's company. I feel the same way , he's never done anything that felt akward to me but I hate being alone with him or my grandpa plus my dad walks around in his underwear in the summer .I hate having eye contact with him. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. Family is family; they can be a source of comfort or the main source of stress at times, but theyre still a big part of your life. I basically grew up alone. If you find yourself starting arguments with family members at the drop of a hat, its time to take a step back and reevaluate what is truly making you so angry. This can lead to hesitation in getting closer to others due to the anticipation of hurt associated with intimacy. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? You have to do things at your own pace. If it makes you feel uncomfortable and make you want to throw up then he should stop. It makes me anxious and I blame myself even if Im not guilty of anything. Nina F. When people get upset with me, I automatically assume its my fault. Jennifer P. I tend to make desperate attempts to cling onto relationships in my life, particularly when they are new, and I am still unsure of the other persons feelings towards me. This is normal, of course; however, there are ways you can better regulate your reactivity towards your family while staying emotionally connected to them. You need to start working on getting independent. 2019;14. doi:10.29173/jjs6s. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. He shouldn't have those kinds of impulses towards you. How does this play out in father/child relationships? In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate. Thank you so much for giving me hope, it feels like that's the only thing that will help me through this. Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. And he is being manipulative when he treathens to give you the silent treatment. Read our, Reasons Why You Might Think "I Hate My Dad", Mental Health Impact of Hating Your Father, Coping Strategies If You Feel "I Hate My Dad", Alcoholic Fathers and a Child's Development, 'I Hate My Family:' What to Do If You Feel This Way, I Hate People: Why You Feel This Way and What to Do, I Hate My Mom: What to Do When You Feel This Way, I Hate My Life': What to Do and How to Cope, Daddy Issues: Psychology, Causes, Signs, Treatment, I Hate My Sister: What to Do When You Feel Hate Toward Siblings, Insecurity in Relationships: Ways to Cope. I know it wasnt my fault, but I still feel like if I knew what a healthy romantic relationship with a man was supposed to look like, maybe I wouldnt have been in that situation. Oh no. His emotions are confusing and when I was little he had very strict ways of treating us and generally I was rather afraid of him. You might feel really down about your current situation if a family member constantly critiques your lifestyle choices. (Got fired from my last job and havent worked for the last year!) Simply having this goal in your mind will make a difference. Sanjana is a health writer and editor. You may feel detached from your father if you grew up in a nuclear family where your father was busy pursuing his career and spent less time with you as a result. You are sensing that something is wrong with your father-in-law's boundaries around your daughter and that can be reason enough to do something different. I have always wondered how serious it actually was. I'm so scared. Him and I are very close, so I was perfectly fine. I wish more parents realised that. The former Disney Channel star teases plans for future music. Can Good Relationship Experiences Change Attachment Styles? This is something my parents did growing up so that we could talk about things that were hard to do face to face. If I ever said that this is my body and I don't like being touched a certain way, he'd go on a tangent about how he gave birth to me and I belong to him. By developing a sense of self, you build the ability to self-regulate and better manage your anxiety, which brings about changes that allow you to be less reactive to your family members; thus, your need for everything to go smoothly decreases, as do your expectations and feelings of distress. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I just wanted to see what other people thought or if they feel the same way I guess. Abuse, Interrupted is my personal project that explores vectors of abuse and power dynamics. Any advice or really any comments would be helpful, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. A lot of us have wounds that have not yet become scars because proper healing is a long-term process. I'm not exactly sure what to say. I feel so scared for both my mother and I that it's paralysing at times. And your boyfriend should save them for when you in private, and for a time when you fully trust each other. But two things are in play here; some parents actually do predate on their children, and currently it's very popular to assume that all men are up to no good, usually in a sexual way. Its possible to feel hatred toward your father. Thats when you need to think about making some changes. Then, when you cant stand being with your family, do you believe the only solution is to distance yourself and ignore them? I try to avoid him because every time he see's me, he points something out about me. He is exactly that, I wish he never became a father. 2 years ago I can do relate to this Reply Appreciate this comment My family doesn't even speak to me. PLEASE HELP !!! Simply put, your father didnt receive emotional validation and responsiveness from his parents, so he didnt know how to do that for you. And he keeps talking about touching my butt, or saying feel spank me when I don't give him a kiss as soon as he asks (in a joking tone), but I hate it so much that I literally have breakdowns as soon as I'm alone. I don't think he's been inappropriate with her, but I'm nervous that it might happen someday. Dealing with stressful situations in the moment. This limits their ability to build stable and close relationships. Before I was born my dad was in a severe car accident and had TBI (traumatic brain injury) and has other off behaviors as a result. Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. https://tarawestover.com/book. There's a reason you are feeling this way. Maybe I feel like he's judging me? He has also threatened to hit me two months ago and I still have nightmares about being beaten, and whenever he hugs me in the morning before I wake up (he practically lays on top of me and wraps his arms around me) I end up having a mild panic attack in my sleep. Whatever the reason, oftentimes these behaviors by father figures can manifest in our adult lives as. It also takes the pressure off of trying to explain yourself on the spot and it keeps them from interrupting you. Reprinted with permission from the author. As social media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice. What do I do? Im so sorry youre going through this, OP. Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By Instead, pick partners out of inspirationmeaning people whose love you dont have to constantly earn, who you dont want to change, and who inspires you to be the best version of yourself. Since the start of our relationship, as bf/gf, he would always tag me along on his family occasions and bring me to his hometown. am I being too sensitive? My dad treated us all like we werent worthy of his time, his love was very conditional, and so I live my life thinking Ill never be good enough for a healthy relationship. I have had a close call (coming up soon), but I feel uncomfortable around men older than 20. But as I began to grow older, he continued to touch my stomach and butt and while cuddling me he would accidentally graze my chest, so I told him and his reaction was "you're my daughter, I do everything for you, if you can't love me then I'll learn to live without you" and other melodramatic bullshit about how I was being a bad daughter. I don't like how he looks at me or hugs me. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. These reasons are listed below. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. 3. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. Responding to your feelings, and teaching you how to name, manage, express and use themsimply was not on his radar screen. Most of our pain comes from distorting the reality of people to fit our desires for who we need them to be. And yes, your aunt might not share the same political views as you. Is there any way you could speak to a counselor or therapist? Are Zoomies a Sign of a Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog? Breathe out, and disengage by remaining factual. I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. He's such a slimy asshole that he's financially manipulated us into this hole, she works but it's not nearly enough to be able to support us and she's not able to get a better job because when they first got married he didn't let her work and she was a stay at home mom for ten years (he said he would always support her and she should focus on raising me, then when their marriage completely fell apart he stopped supporting her but continued to pay for me and the mortgage). Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. My dad has not been around much due to his work. Recognize the ways in which your father impacted you and how that may alter your relationship with men or romantic partners. I believe this book can help you understand your parents, especially your fathers reasons for his entitlement. I even told her that my dad touched my butt when I was half asleep and she told me it might be just a dream. 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